breaking free after a breakup

ouch

That was painful. The breakup that is.

 I have just come to the end of 3 weeks and a bit free from social media. At first, I didn't really know how long I was going to stay offline for, but I feel ready now and more myself than I ever have done.

So here are a few nuggets of wisdom I have gained in trying to break free after my breakup. Even if this does not apply to you today it might apply to you at some point in your life. Even if it is a friend, a family member, a work colleague that has really hurt you, this may be able to help in some way shape or form.

After a breakup you go through something in which I like to call, 'the flannel phase.'
This is a phase where you cry at literally EVERYTHING. Everything makes you emotional and everything will remind you of the person.
For example, the day after my breakup I went into Kingston to go into work as I wanted to carry on as normal, and as soon as I got off the bus I was just flooded with memories of all our times together.
Even to this day many things still remind me of him and I need to just erase it from my memory. My aim and hope is that this blog will somehow help people get through the 'flannel phase' , no matter how long you have been in it for, and to enter a new exciting happy phase.

Despite the hurt, pain and damage your ex might have caused you, you still miss that sense of security and comfort the relationship provided. This is SO normal! I have spent many hours writing down crazy analogies for a breakup and I think one of the best ones I have come up with is that going through a breakup is a bit like having a surgical procedure. Surgery is done when something needs to be removed from your body that is harmful and threatening to you.

Now after a surgery are you expected to suddenly jump back up , drive along the M25 and cook a Turkey? Or are you expected to take things slow, go through the healing process and rest. I think more the latter.

This is the same for a breakup. Now those who haven't been through a breakup will not understand this but if you have been through a breakup- it feels as if a part of your heart has been removed from your chest and you have had some very dodgy stitches to sow it back up. Take my example, I was in a relationship for 15 months , you go from being high on adrenaline, chatting every day, having someone to go out with,have inside jokes with and having someone who just knows your soul to suddenly being cut off from them. 

Your body will go through a trauma and there is nothing wrong with admitting that.

It is now nearly February and I broke up with my boyfriend in October, that is only 5 months. I am certainly better , much better, than I was before- but that is due to frequent doctors appointments and allowing myself time to process my trauma.

I still have days I cannot eat anything because I just know I will bring it up again with how sick I feel, where I cannot sleep because my eyes hurt from crying so much and days where I just feel like utter crap. But who doesn't?

I am receiving the right help and am on the right path to getting better, no matter how long it takes.

Breaking free after a breakup is so difficult. Especially because every break up is extremely different. Mine was very toxic and abusive yet some may be friendly and civil and no one is in any right to say which is actually most hard.

I have learnt that the best thing you can do for yourself after a breakup, is learn to love yourself. Selena Gomez's new album 'rare' literally sums up my life at the moment and her song 'loose you to love me' is the crux of how I am feeling.

You promised the world and I fell for it

I put you first and you adored it

Set fires to my forest

And you let it burn

Sang off-key in my chorus

'Cause it wasn't yours

I saw the signs and I ignored it

Rose-colored glasses all distorted

Set fire to my purpose

And I let it burn

You got off on the hurtin'

When it wasn't yours, yeah

We'd always go int o it blindly

I needed to lose you to find me

Without sounding attention seeking and talking to much about my actual relationship, he would always put me down. I grew to literally hating myself. Which is why I had to have the time away from social media, I needed to get to the core of my being. Who was I really?

Today I had two very important meetings about this situation and this is why I felt today was the best day to come back. Oh gosh now I start crying. It has been so hard and I never want anyone to feel like this. This is why I write blog posts, so I can hopefully help people who are going through something similar. I still don't feel well. But you know what, I am not broken. 

This is the thing after a breakup, you say you're broken and weak. Yet to deal with it actually takes someone incredibly strong. I am a big believer in what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Remember that. 

So what is the actual root of this blog. Well, to break free after a breakup, you need to learn to love yourself. Your worth doesn't come from what anyone has said about you, whether a guy/girl likes you, it comes from your core being, who you strive to be and the morals you strive for. I have not stopped fighting for justice in my situation, maybe one day I will explain a bit more however the time is not right. It has made me stronger. I have found out my true personality and what I truly feel I am called to do here on this earth. 

The picture in this blog is me walking away. I have said goodbye to him, and to this chapter in my life. This will always be a pond for me as it has been so traumatic, yet I no longer need to fish in it.

My hope and prayer is that this helps people out there no matter what kind of relationship drama you may be going through. I have learnt you are always so much stronger than you know.

I hope you can break free after your breakup.

You sometimes really do need to loose someone to love yourself.

And now the chapter is closed and done

And now it's goodbye, it's goodbye for us

All my love, Anna-Ruby x